The Long Afternoon Refuses to Appear on Ellen, Citing Opposition to Dance Moves


VAROSHA, Cyprus — As one famous daytime talk show host has learned, to get reclusive rock band The Long Afternoon to appear on your program you need to take the appropriate steps. The appropriate dance steps, that is.

The Long Afternoon’s publicist Ginger M. Armalade confirmed today that the veteran indie rockers refused an invitation from the Ellen DeGeneres show to appear in promotion of its recently released fourth album, Regression, on the grounds that the host’s signature dance moves are “lame.”

“We’re keenly aware that Ellen DeGeneres is a warm and wonderfully giving person, beloved by millions of viewers” said Armalade.

“We appreciate the invitation to appear on Ellen’s program, and are cognizant of the impact the proposed appearance would have on the dissemination of the group’s music. However, The Long Afternoon has consistently taken a principled stance against the kind of shuffle-your-feet-around-slightly-while-gently-pumping-your-arms ‘dancing’ that Ellen practices and promotes.”

The cover art from Regression, the fourth album by The Long Afternoon.

The Long Afternoon has declined to play songs from its fourth album, Regression, on the nationally syndicated Ellen program.

Asked to clarify their position, the band members, again through their publicist, issued a statement, noting that “Giving false hope to a largely white, female audience that they can dance is unconscionable.”

An associate producer from the Ellen show, who preferred to remain unnamed, responded to the band’s rebuff with equanimity.

“We are disappointed by the band’s decision and hope they will reconsider. Ellen remains a huge fan of their music.”

The Long Afternoon is a cryptic indie rock organization that has ignored industry standard career-building activities in favor of pursuing an agenda known only to the group’s secretive inner circle.

The Long Afternoon’s Regression album is available via iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, and other distribution systems.


Autoresponder, song 1 on Regression:

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