Alex Jones labels The Long Afternoon a conspiracy

Conspiracist denounces June 29 dance party as “wagging the dog”

Controversial radio show host Alex Jones claims indie rock band the Long Afternoon doesn’t exist and that its musical career, spanning 30+ years and four albums, never happened. What’s more, the theorist maintains, a scheduled Rock and Roll Dance Party with The Long Afternoon is a sham.

On a recent episode of The Alex Jones Radio Show, the obstreperous Jones bellowed, “The Long Afternoon is nothing but vaporware and pixels! Just because a band has an online presence doesn’t mean it exists! Anybody can put up a Web site and upload videos to YouTube!”

Apparently provoked by news that the reclusive band would be making a rare public appearance in State College, Pennsylvania on June 29th, 2019, at Webster’s Bookstore and Café, Jones repeated his assertion in a story posted to the Infowars Web site.

An invitation to the Rock and Roll Dance Party on June 29 with The Long Afternoon, which conspiracy theorists claim is a false flag operation designed to fool the public into believing The Long Afternoon exists.

Webster’s is a community-focused cafe/bookstore/record shop located in downtown State College.

“Anyone dumb enough to pay five bucks to attend this so-called ‘dance party’ will get what they deserve: the sorry spectacle of four actors with no musical talent pretending to perform rock music to prerecorded tracks lifted from the Internet. Any audience you see will be comprised solely of actors, who have made a lucrative career out of getting paid to attend, applaud, and mime enthusiasm for a band that doesn’t exist. It’s a classic example of ‘wagging the dog.’ Don’t waste your time!”

When asked to speculate about the endgame sought by maintaining the charade of The Long Afternoon over the last three decades, and the identities of the entities truly responsible for the “music” that has been released under the band’s name, Jones admits he doesn’t have incontrovertible evidence yet. But the circumstantial evidence, he says, clearly points the way for those whose blinders are off and are willing to look at the obvious.

“The Long Afternoon is just another in a long series of devious false flag operations aimed at the red-blooded heart of the American people, and this one has all the earmarks of a typical globalist shapeshifter psy op. You can tell that right away from the human-feline hybrids that the band not so subtly praises on their cover ‘The Year of the Cat.’ But that’s not the only evidence of a devious force underlying this hideous mockery of all that is good and decent in this country: the entire concept behind the album An Index of Maladjustments makes it obvious that the so-called Long Afternoon is at the bidding of the Reptilians—if they aren’t Reptilians themselves. It’s all in front of us, my friends, if we just wake up and pay attention!”

The Long Afternoon’s agent and minister of education, Ginger M. Armalade, was unavailable for comment.

The Long Afternoon allegedly consists of bassist Jeff Edmunds, drummer Greg Elliott, and guitarists Eston Martz and Jean-Pierre Mulley. All four members allegedly sing.

ABOUT THE LONG AFTERNOON

Reclusive Pennsylvania-based indie rock pioneers The Long Afternoon formed in Pittsburgh in 1985 and consolidated in State College in 1987. The organization has largely eschewed conventional rock and roll career-building activities and rejects traditional notions of success entirely, leaving their ultimate ambitions and intent unknown to any but the group’s inner circle.

The organization’s first recorded statement, the album entitled The Luxury Problem, came out in 2006 to enthusiastic reviews. Their second album, Signifying Nothing, arrived in 2009 and was named one of the 10 best indie albums of the year by A Future in Noise. The group’s third album, 2011’s An Index of Maladjustments, contained “The Chameleonaires,” which was adopted as an anthem by Occupy Wall Street protestors, a development The Long Afternoon neither encouraged nor discouraged. The organization’s fourth album, Regression, arrived in August 2016 and featured the single “Autoresponder,” an attack on institutionally endorsed and enforced thoughtlessness.

The Long Afternoon continues to issue recorded statements and proffer live demonstrations as situations require. Their activities can be explored and they can be contacted at www.thelongafternoon.com.